#i dont even know what hed listen to i dont listen to anything other than videogame ost

[darkpitlesbian]

If bedman had spotify what would he listen to

break stuff by limp bizkit i hope this answers ur question

[sea-of-dust]

whahsbebshdd i’m rlly shy abt this and i saw the bedman hcs you wrote and i loved it so much it had my legs kicking and my hair twirling

requesting bedman x a really loving kinda clingy reader,,,,,,

Bedman x GN! Clingy! Loving! Reader

There's no summary it's general headcannons annons letting me be werid!!

N: YIPPEEEEEEE, dont be shy about future requests when open asks are welcomed! thank you for the request!

Warnings: spoilers for bedman during strive and xrd, and minor spoilers for bedmans? Story

He's not escaping you, like ever not like he wants to anyway. "I'm leaving!" "Not without me!" You rush toward the door "you're still in your pjs" "does it matter?" He sighs disappintedly, you could probably do a pushup for everytime he sighs and end up swole and then he'd sigh again

You blame him for being likeable for you being as loving as you are. His kisses even though they're just small taps on the cheek from him they always leave you wanting him to do it again. "Stop" "I'm not doing anything tho" "you're about to ask me if I want to let you brush my hair" "....no" "do it" "yay!" Atleast someone takes care of his physical appearance for em, he's getting free spa days without someone complaining over how much he nitpicks. "Under my nails have been a bit dirty too" "I'll get it" "and there might be a pimple near my leg" "I'll pop it" "dirt in my glasses aswell" you stop what you're doing just to stare it him blankly, even though his eyes were closed he could still feel you staring bullets. "What?" "Are they even prescription?"

He'd enjoy the times he got to appear in your dreams, he's awake able to talk...alot...but his voice is pretty it's not like he'll rant so hard he raps about the same topic twice "when we talk about survival of the fittest-" that was all u listened to before just hearing a mumble of his voice, him just going on and on with you nodding your head. Other than the long 12 page essay front to back that comes out of his mouth he can also be quite engaged in dreams, specifically yours. He'd 100% ask you the next dream you have with him in it. "So what did you dream about?" Your eyes widen before your face goes stone cold "a discount at the supermarket and me trying to make homemade ice cream sandwiches that ended up exploding" he pushes up his glasses "is that so?" "Yea" "because a little birdie told me you were dreaming of me" you giggle, foolish mistake infront of him of all people, you'd have to wipe that dream out of your brain before he gets it outta you

He'd act like he doesn't like how much physical affection, hed be all "love is feable it isn't going to last and most people that are motivated by it end up crying in someone's couch" but everytime you headed his warnings, he'd get a tad...pretty annoyed. "Am I disgusting to you?" "What?" "You haven't hugged me for an entire 6 minutes is there a bug on me?" "I thought you didn't like me being that way" "I do" for the first time you sigh disapointedly "Alright buddy" "so you're not even going to call me Romeo now" you somehow can feel him putting hands on his hips, expect him to be ranting in his dreams because he didn't ever expect you to call him anything other than Romeo and not hug him for 6 minutes. You've learned giving him a small kiss is usually enough for him to forgive you.

You're also the person behind how polished the bed is, with Romeo or not. "You've gotten a bit rusty" it gently squeezes your hand "I ment physically, I'll take it off I wonder if it'll hurt you like this" Delilah trusts you a bit with him not knowing the extent of your relationship. "Don't touch him too much" "you think he'll attack me?" "Maybe" you pat the beds hand "don't worry I can fix him" you feel both siblings give judgemental looks. "That's crazy I can hear your brother sighing and calling me a fool"

[clovenhoofedjester]

jellicle lineups; part 2/4

MOREEEE !!! MOREEEE !!!

rumpleteazer | 💰 🍹 🃏

PIGTAILS RUMP! PASTEL RUMP. blond rump. that is all. i really love that design. so i use it. the face markings are also meant to look like a stereotypical robber mask. i realized she looks a little fox-like while drawing her, which i didnt mind ! its fun !

her clothing design was already laid out for her so i left it virtually unchanged, asides from the pattern itself. imagine wearing clothes w a print of your best friends hair . that is rumpleteazer

even though 1 of her 3 words are impressionable, i think she is smarter than she lets on. i also think skimbleshanks is her dad. she'd be about 21 in human years

mungojerrie | 💸 🎰 🍾

PIGTAILS JERRIE AS WELL, BITCH ! i saw a jerrie w pigtails after i drew this and i felt so vindicated. i also based his design directly on 2019 mungojerrie because ommgggg transgender calico? trans little calico? i thought he deserved some pearls too. as well as a bell collar! it makes cats sneakier.

his clothing design is left unchanged too, asides from some fluff. he is also wearing a print of his best friends hair . smile 😃

hes just a funny fella. he totally doesnt have a history or anything. hed be 21 in human years

coricopat | 🍷 🔮 ♟

coricopat is pretty close to their replica design—the biggest difference being that the red in their design is warmer/purpler. that and the silver collar! i also had no idea what i was doing with her fit, so expect it to change in the upcoming art i do of him. i just wanted something gothy and flowy

hes also based on thalia, the muse of comedy. to keep the greek mythology theme going, and because i thought it was funny, and because (2x) i like... The Gimmick

i swear to god this cat knows things we dont. hed be like 22 in human years

tantomile | 🎭 🍩 🗝

tantomile is also close to his replica design. she has a gold collar. like i said w/ coricopat, the outfit is subject to change

as she was based on melpomene, the muse of tragedy, i decided to sacrifice identical makeup for the white mark on their muzzle being downturned like the frown of the tragedy mask :] giggle. smile

listen to all advice tantomile gives you. shed be also like 22 in human years

george | 🥏 🧋 🛹

i just had to give this (technical) swing some love. bless this happy background cat and his little :D smile. i decided to give him a simple little fit and made his fur/markings less plain white w some stripes. i think i also based his makeup off a victor costume ??

i think hes pouncival's older brother. hed also be 23 in human years

mr. mistoffelees | 🪄 ☕ 🌬

my silly, my funny. my little guy. i based their general Vibe on his john napier concept art, obc mistoffelees, 1990 paris mistoffelees, 2019 mistoffelees, and like. a fairys kiss of brentoffelees. i wish id have given him a bit of that il sistina style but i already had so many things going on LOL

it was definitely a very fun challenge to balance all of these. i also draw attention to the single white shoe—the cutest detail of timmy scotts misto

i definitely prefer a more visually unnerving, grown misto. and absolutely torn between portraying him as mute or verbal because on one hand... mute misto is so good. on the other hand.... oh my god. timothy scotts voice.jesus christ . i think hed be 23 in human years

the rum tum tugger | 🎤 🍽 🪞

WELCOME TO MY TWISTED WORLD. i really tried to keep tugger as cis guys i really did. but the thrall of a visually transgender tugger was too much to ignore. i already explained a lot of his design choices in my first posted drawing of it but like... blauhh... thigh garter, heart, golden whiskers/lashes. they are there. i also made his makeup a wee more theatrical w/ white on the chin to visually separate him from partridges tugger

i also decided to base his fur more on his obc design. like. terrence mann tugger. platinum blond spotted mane and head fur and such. i think it looks really good

im trying to hit the sweet spot between the goofy/serious/whiny/promiscuous portrayals of the him..... the man contains multitudes, you see. hed also be like 24 in human years and it goes without saying that hes one of deuts sons

AND THATS IT. stay tuned for more !

[madebyteenagefury]

What do you think about Trina in Falsettos??

what do i think about trina in falsettos??? i wwould do anything for her. but also i think if i ever talked to her i might break down sobbing.

ive mentioned it in ramblings before but trina marvin and jason are like a carbon copy of my family. besides the whole, my fathers a homo part and the whole trina marrying marvins psychiatrist part. their dynamics and everything are pretty much the same as my own parents. i was jasons age when they divorced. only difference is (besides the two mentioned) marvin and trina coexist more civilly than we do.

idk why i felt the need to mention that, i think its important like, background to my feelings about her(and the family in general). Shes amazing first and foremost, everyone always talks about marvin and the work he has to do to improve himself, but trina and what she mustve gone through to forgive him? after everything, its incredible. she cares a lot about her family and marvin is apart of it. and she accepts whizzer too i think, ("he shared my life") by the end of it and thats even more amazing to me. i think she deserves a break. i think she deserves the world. i worry (/lh more like just think) about what happens after whizzers death, how marvin cant be there emotoinally for jason and trina and mendel have to take that responsibility. i see my mother in her, a woman who wanted to be free of her ex and live her life but is still chained to him ("ill fight the gods, ill fight my ex") but augh shes so spunky and joyful despite everything!!! year of the child is probably one of if not my absolute favorite song from the soundtrack because its marvin and trina (+mendel charlotte and cordelia) fawning over jason and just being glad and excited that hes growing up and being his parents. the performance especially, because even though theyre techincally fighting at the beginning of the song, they still hug and laugh throughout it. they banter, and its beautiful. i think shes such a strong and resiliant woman, putting up with what she did, coming out the other side only to immediately find more pain. i wouldve liked more insight to her and mendel and jasons relationship. mostly her and jason. but i think there are lots of implications and inferences to be made, and its nice that some things are still up for interpretation.

I have yet to relisten/or even watch in trousers, but i have listened once all the way through, and re-read the lyrics through. trina in trousers,,, god i love her. like. ugh in trousers makes me so sick, marvin and trina and whizzer. mostly marvin and trina. trinas not dumb she knows. especially with love is blind, all the examples she gave and in im breaking down "i used to cry, hed make a scene" she totally knew! and still she even begged him to stay. she tried she really wanted it to work. but ofc it couldnt and im so glad she got to live a life away from him, and find some happiness. that she knows what love is. (oh also, the like. suspected suicide attempt??? bbyg dont worry ill kms for you-. everything about her makes me so so ill because she reminds me so much of my mom.) she tries so hard, with an uncooperative ex and an uncooperative (ish) child, and godbless. i just adore her and want the best things for her. shes such an incredible woman.

anyway thanks for asking! :]

[insect-library]

Little Angel ☆

chapter 1

little!Angel and cg!Husk

Notes: first time writing in like,,, 4ever?? Sooo be nice to me. <3 (taking constructive criticism)

Word count: around 800

A small yawn came from Angels room as he woke up. The combination of a headache and dizziness from a night full of drinking had kept him from staying fully awake. After a few times of refusing to wake up, he finally decided to rise from his plush bed to feed his pig, and get some food for the morning.

Angel had been in a loop all week. Hed be pretty great all day, talking to Husk, sometimes others. But when night came hed get sensitive, tired, and more uncomfortable with his usual activities. Hed brush it off as an episode or some side effect of a drug, but now hed actually started worrying about it. It seemed strange that this came after telling Husk about Val, and the comfortable night of talking with him that came after. He noticed that he became generally happier around Husk, talking with his hands more and going on about things he loved. This was very unusual for him and had worried him for the days following.

Angel finally snapped out of his thoughts when he saw exactly who hed been thinking about, Husker.

"Mornin' sleeping beauty" Husk scoffed

"Good morning asshole" Angel said, passing him to exit the hotel, a bit happier than he was previously.

There was that feeling again, hed noticed the need to flap his hands when he passed Husk. He felt happy as if hed won something, but he'd just greeted his friend. It made no sense to him, but he continued on with the day anyways.

After grabbing some food at a small cafe, he started his walk to the hotel. Noticing all the small details of the pride ring. The people, the billboards, all of it was so harsh and overwhelming. It made him feel scared. But why would he feel scared? He had been here for what felt like forever, why now had it started overwhelming him? He didnt know the answer to anything, but he knew he needed to get to the hotel and into his room as soon as he could.

Angel ran through the door with his food, and ran right past everyone downstairs without greeting anybody. The second he got to his room he slammed the door and jumped into bed, hugging his stuffed animals and hiding in blankets. After a short minute, he heard a knock and a voice at the door.

"Angel? Are you okay? What happened?"

It was Charlie. Who, dont get him wrong angel loves her to death, but she wasnt going to be any help.

"MMmn!"

It wasnt anything anyone could point out as a word, but the noise made it clear he didnt want her there. He heard her walk off. But heard more footsteps and eventually another knock at his door.

"Angel? What happened? Whyre you whinin' at Charlie?"

It was Husk, and Angel was even more embarrassed than with Charlie. Husk had been so nice and Angel felt guilt having him see him acting like a child, thought he couldnt exactly control it.

"I think i know whats going on, if youll let me in i could help ya" Husk spoke very softly, not letting anyone but Angel hear him.

Angel considered it, and decided that having Husk around while hes like this is better than being alone. He walked hunched over to the door and opened it, dragging Husk into the small room.

"Whats goin on'?!" Angel mumbled

"You told me about Val right? And how you had been more upset lately?"

"Uhnhuh.. why does that matter?" Angel was getting a little impatient.

"Well i was interested in what you talked about. I had looked at a few things and all your little 'quirks' and that shit sounds a bit like something i found" Husk answered

Angel was listening very intently, but slowly understanding a bit less of the bigger thoughts and only gathering a small amount of information from husk.

"Its called uhrm.. age.. regression?" Husk sounded it out, making sure to get the term right

"Its a way your brain uh.. keeps you sane basically."

Angel had heard about regression, but always took it as a voluntary thing. He never took it as something hed be helped by, especially not without knowing.

"Woah" Angel whispered

He was noticing things that lined up with what Husk said, and had started genuinely thinking about the term and how it applies to him.

Husk stayed the rest of the afternoon to look after Angel, and explain some more about agere to him. They had talked and played and sat around until pretty late, and Husk decided to go to bed.

"Okay, goodnight Angel. Im glad you learned some stuff today. Sleep well"

Angel smiled at Husk, waved goodnight, and went to bed happy, something he wasn't exactly familiar with.

[unadulterated-syd]

sirus black x reader

this is my first sirius fic pls be kind !

leave advice if you'd like :)

warnings -> underaged drinking mentioned, doesnt happen within fic, unedited.

synopsis -> sirius shows you his collection of odd sentimental items :)

the dimly lit common room felt more peaceful tonight than most other nights, most of the other gryffindors were already delicately tucked in for the night.

typically the marauders, mainly james and sirius, wouldve kept the whole house up. however, tomorrow called for james— early quidditch practice, whilst sirius found himself boredly keeping you company.

he would let out an exaggerated sigh every couple of minutes, trying to get your attention, which had failed till just about now.

"sirius, youre driving me bloody insane. what do you want?"

your eyes barely left the fire to glare at him, only to see him stand up and wander off. though odd, sirius was always odd. therefore you did not bother to call after him, nor even look fully his way.

your eyes returned to the fire, until the cushion beside you weighed down once more. finally your head turned his way.

"darling, look through these with me will you?"

his petnames had always pissed you off when you were younger, you'd always had a large crush on him. that was until the two of you had drunkenly shared an evening together, and things changed.

youd never officially started dating, you were both too frightened to truly commit to anything.

you sighed, finally shuffling to sit facing him on the couch. in his lap rested a box of random junk, some records, some photos, even an old beer bottle.

"whats all this, pads?" you hummed delicately sliding your fingers over the rim of the box.

"you'll see."

he dug his hand into the box pulling out the old beer bottle, dawning a look of faux wonder as his eyes met yours.

"you remember this ol' thing?"

your eyes traced the bottle, shrugging, "sirius thats an old beer bottle, you expect me to remember all the beer we've drunk?"

"well tred carefully, love, you surely dont remember the first time we drank, together?"

"the.. uhm.. you kept that?" you raised your hand, taking the bottle from his hand and scanning it.

"duh, youre holding it." he had already moved on by now, "or the first queen album i convinced reg to listen to."

youd remembered that, hed been so excited to share the group with regulus, even though regulus hadnt expressed much excitement.

he went on with the items, swiftly describing every item as he did. the cutest of all was the idea that he held onto things from all his friends.

a guitar pic from marlene, something mary had 'thrifted him'— even though he had no recollection of what that meant— photos of them all.

he wasn't necessarily sentimental, however he felt it was rude to throw away things that could mean something to someone else.

he'd never ever thought the bottle you'd both shared was important, but a fraction of him believed you would have kept it had you had any less to drink.

you listened through it all, though your eyes stayed loosily trained on the bottle, you'd thought he'd forgotten. however, he was rather quick to catch on.

"d'you think i forgot?"

"honestly, yes."

he gave you a smile, his brow raising dramatically, "you take me as a fool then?"

"a fool? i dont think i said all that."

"oh you've totally ruined me, a fool!" he faked yet another pout, throwing himself back on the common room couch.

you groaned at him, quickly jumping to your own defense, "listen, im not calling you a fool, i just—"

"i know what you meant, dear." his look went back to you once again, not bothering to sit up. "only a dimwitted fool would've forgotten. im just the fool who was too scared to make it more."

"you the fool!" you laughed, it only caused a wince as he misinterpreted your demenor, "we're both the fools, sirius. we've been out here passed bed and not one of us has even begun to entertain the idea of being together."

"perhaps were both fools." he gave you a michevious grin, "fools in love."

"dont even try, black, that was awful."

"dreadful even?"

"definetly dreadful."

he grinned, leaning closer to you, as if to plead for a midnight kiss. but in turn, you stood up grinning at him, "goodnight, love, i'll see you in the morning."

"y/n!", he whined at you, but you simply continued. midnight talks turned out to be rather nice, especially when they washed away the fear you'd once had.

harry potter tags -> @goodoldfashionedluvergirl

marauders tags -> none

sirius tags -> none

leave an ask to be added to any tags.

requested by @goodoldfashionedluvergirl

tysm for the req eva !! hope you enjoy <3

[shadowreader23]

Final Fantasy Replay fanfic part 1

i currently have final fantasy brainrot and wrote this on my lunchbreak.

_____

He was sat on the throne. He could feel his life slipping away being claimed by the crystal. It wasnt fair first hed lost 10 years of his life and now it was going to end. Hed missed so much and was going to miss so much more. But at least they would be safe. Everyone would be safe turning to look at his friends he gave them a small smile and drew his last breath. ------------------- The chocobo song was playing. The alarm clock blaring at him that it was time to wake up. The sun shone through the windows. Anf he was in his bed? What was going on? Was this it? his aftrerlife was just a replica of his old room? At least it was comfortable. With a groan he turned off the alarm and stood up realising something. He was shorter than he had been when he died putting his hands to his face he coukd feel no stubble. Making his way to the bathroom attached to his bedroom he swore when he saw himself in the mirror. He looked just how he used to.... back at the begining before anything  was this the astrals cruel way of taunting him. Reminding him of the life he'd had?

"Noctis? are you awake?" A gentle voice called through the door. That voice. It was Iggy! Please dont let him have died as well Noctis begged the astrals as he approached the door and opend it. He did a double take. Iggy. He was like he was before. Young healthy happy and.... and he could see! Ignis could see again! Without realising what he was doing Noctis grabbed ignis and pulled him in for a tight hug.

"Im sorry Ignis.... im so so sorry its my fault" Noctis wept into his friends jacket.

Ignis wrapoed his arms around Noctis. He had no idea what had occured to cause the prince to act like this Noctis wasnt really one to wear his heart on his sleeve like this or seek out comfort. He was worried.

"Noctis whatever is troubling you, you can talk to me about i promise i will listen"

"Thank you Specs" Noctis sniffled

"Hurry up we are going to be late" Gladio walked into the room in all his former young glory Towering above Noctis even more now than when he had died.

"Gladio you're here too?" Noctis choked out. Astrals had they all died when he did? Was he the reason they died? Did it not work did his death mean nothing and the scrouge and the Deamons still plauged the planet? He hadnt realised he was shaking till Ignis gently guided him to sit on the floor. "Is he sick or something?" Gladio asked Ignis looking at Noctis concerned. He hadnt seen his prince like this before.

"I dont know he was like this when i arrived"

"Thats not good we need to get going we dont want to miss our boat it woukd be typical of Noctis to be late for his own wedding. Gladio frowned

Wait his wedding? Did Gladio not remember? Judging by the looks on their faces neithier of them did. What was going on? Pulling himself together he forced the tears to stop and weakly stood up walking out the door the other two close behind. He was met with daylight and a fully intact and busy Insomnia.

Thats when he blacked out.

Gladio lunged foward and caught Noctis before his head hit the ground.

"I'll fetch the car he needs to see a doctor" Ignis went to fetch the car as Gladio stood cradling the unconcious prince in his arms. Something definitley wasnt right here. Noctis was fine yesterday and for whatever this was to come on so suddenly.... had someond poisioned him?

Ignis parked the car and Gladio climbed in the back seat buckling Noctis into the middle seat so he could support him during the journey.

"You'll be ok Noctis" Gladio said placing a hand on the Princes forhead checkinf for a tempreture as Ignis put the car in Gear and drove towords the hospital. ___________________ "Awaken king of stone" Noctis knew that Voice. His eyes flew open and he stood up finding himself in a place that reminded him of inside the crystal. A blue glow appeared before him and Shiva appeared in all pf her glory.

"Shiva what's going on?" He asked her

I have decided to intervene Young king. Last time it took to long and though your sacrife cleansed most of the Scrouge it did not clear it completley. I have decides to grant you another chance to fufil you mission" The astral informed him

"Go through ot all again just for me to lose 10 years of my life and die once more? No way" Noctis decided he couldnt. He wouldnt go through all of that again. "You misunderstand me king of stone. This is an opporunity to do it right. Try reasoning woth Ardym he was a good man once maybe he is still in there" Shiva finished

"Ardyn a good man?" Noctis didnt believe it

With a wave of her hand Shiva showed him what had occured between Sommus and Ardyn and how Aera had paid the ultimate price. Noctis hadnt known that.

"This is what i offer young king. You get another oppurunity to make this right finish your mission quicker this time and if you can convince ardyn to aid you against the scourge the two of you may yet survive"

"What happens if i dont?" Noctos asked

"You will die young king"

Noctis took a deep breath. Another chance to do things rightn to save everyone he could orevent ignis from going blind he could save Luna!

"I acept"

"Good i will send you back now, you will remember this encounter and to save you some time i will grant you acess to the arminger you had in your final battle with ardyn. Save you from having to find all those royal tombs"

With a wave of her hand Noctis felt power flow into him then she was gone. ___________ The Doctor hadn't found anything wrong with Noctis he had no idea what could have caused this to happen in the young prince. It wasn't poision or anything physical. So maybe it was magical? Using a device to read magic levels he held it over Noctis. There was nothing. Looking at Gladio and Ignis who were just as suprised as he was the Doctor scanned again still nothing.

Had Noctis lost his magic? How was that even possible? What would they do now? Could Noctis even recover from this?

Deciding to scan one final time the device let out a shrill beep and shorted out as Noctis sat up with a gasp a wave of his magic shooting through the building.

The Doctor was dumbfounded havig no clue what may have occured.

You have to act like your old self. You can do this. Noctis thought to himself

"Hey Gladio, Ignis why are you looking at me like that?" He said woth false confusion in his voice.

"You had us worried there Noct can you tell us what happend to you?' Ignis was now sat on the edge of the hospital bed.

"What do you mean what happend i went to sleep last night then the next thing i know im waking uo to you and gladio looking at me like im crazy specs!"

"He doesnt remember" Gladio realised

"It is indeed odd however it looks like he's fine now. We'll continue to monior his condition the the way to Golden Quay" Ignis told the doctor as Noctis got out of the hospital bed and put his boots and jacket back on.

"Wheres prompto?" Noctis asked trying to sound casual. He needed to see prompto he needed to know his closest friend was ok

"We sent him on a quick supply run hes going to meet us at the gate this afternoon luckily we should still be able to leave on time"

Typical Ignis sticking to the shechduel. With a nod Noctis walked out the hospital room and down the stairs to where the Regallia was parked. He could do this. He was going to do this. He would get it right this time.

Sure enough just like last time the regallia broke down and they had to push it to hammerhead. Noctis was planning his next steps as they rested in the haven that night. He didnt need to get the royal arms thank shiva for that it would save a lot of time they didnt beed to go on a quest for thst reporter as he already knew what he needed to know so they would save some time there as well. Could he save gladios dad? Could he save his own? They were to late last time but what if thdybturned back forst thing in the morning. No that wouldnt work they werent strong enough to strand uo to the forces yet howrver... he could send a message. He pulled out a pen and paoer and wrote an urget letter one to Iris. One to gladios father and one to king regis. He sent them as soon as he woke up in the morning. They would reach insomnia in time. What they chose to do with his warning was up to them. Hopefully it would make enough of a difference. They rescued the person from the Shed and cindy repaired the regallia. They ate food in the crows nest and prompto took some photos. He and gladio sparred and they spent a night in the caravan. It was nice to be back here. He hadnt realised just how much he had missed the simpler days. --------- Something was off with noctis and ignis was worried after the whole incident which he and gladio had informed prompto about Noctis hadnt had anymore breakdowns or memory issues but there were other things. It was almost as if Noctis was not used to his body or couldnt feel it right. He stumbled bumped into things and was clumsy not to the point of severity but he bever was before. His magic felt different as well bigger more vast and powerful. Was there some issue with hia magic? Was it what was causing the problem. He thought back to the doctors scan and how Noctis hand no magic for a while there was this a side effect of that? Did his body need to adapt to his magic once more?

_____ End of part 1 i havent played the game for over a year so im rely on memory here. Hope you like it.

[forlorn-crows]

Oh it's Dew for sure to me.

He's always characterized as either a) a complete asshole with no regard for others or b) the whiniest, most pathetic little thing that cries at the drop of a hat. To me it seems like most people characterize him as younger than the other ghouls. Maybe not consciously, but it sure reads that way a lot of the time. Like he's completely emotionally immature and only capable of having a single personality trait (see above).

Like. Has no one seen how soft he can be on stage? I get that he had his little tiffs with Aether and sometimes chokes Rain, but for the most part he's such a softie. He plays with Swiss and dances when Nihil's casket gets brought out. He teases the crowd and clearly has fun with it. He has a whole personality!!

It's unfair to pigeonhole him as "the aggressive one", and I honestly don't know where the idea of him being a pathetic little crybaby came from, but it bothers me to no end every time I see him cry the second someone so much as kisses his neck or something.

PLS SHARE YOUR THOTS CROW

ohhh mr dewdrop, its time for curtain callll

@rrriver yours im gonna touch on at the end here bc its so interesting!!

but yes. reigning opinion seems to be that the babyfied version of dew is overwritten and very 2D. as well as the 'will burn your eyebrows at the drop of a pin' dew. ive touched on these things a little already.

but. dew is the fandom favorite, id say. the one everyone loooves to throw trauma onto. he is the very definition of 'put that guy in a situation'. he is very commonly written as the focus of many fics, whatever the genre. and to me, its so interesting that so many of us dont like these common headcanons, and do go out of our way to write our own versions, yet these things still stay the overarching theme. why is that? rhetorical question, really, but i do think the 'over emotional' idea of dew is very prevalent.

and, like ive said previously, i think he's much more stoic than that. he def shows some emotion. like cirrus, hes not a robot or anything. we see that on stage, of course, with the bits and what not. i think he knows when to joke, when to offer a hug, or when to get fired up about something (excuse the pun)

but i dont think hes going around lighting shit on fire cause something minor happened. do i think hed do that in certain circumstances? yeah absolutely. especially if youre of the belief that this ghoul has gone through some shit. has seen death and treason and went through an entire shift of all the atoms in his fucking body.

but hes strong, resilient. as well as soft and caring. to me, this is a ghoul that listens, that cares so fucking deeply. but he's calm about most things. observant. and a little frisky when he feels up for it.

and river, yes, he's so protective. like i said, most of us think hes seen some shit. so why wouldnt he be more level headed, stronger mentally, because hes seen what being reactive can do to a ghoul

and i really like your take on the different elements hes had and how that transfers to his personality. because there are so many nuances in elements in general! and i even have different ideas to how he acted as a newly summoned water ghoul verses a more 'seasoned' one. and some dont even believe he changed elements at all! but i agree, i dont think hes some shy little pretty water ghoul and nothing more. that boy had sass even back then, maybe even more so. but to me, he's always been that stoic and thoughtful ghoul that i do my best to write him as haha. there are far better writers of dew than i, but i for sure agree with y'all that there's things he isnt.

[the-rxven-king]

1,4,8,11,23,24 for your Rook? 👀

w au gh absolutely!!! and for funsies heres a screenshot of him! his name is nekros ingellvar!

also gonna put most of my answers under a read more so i dont fill up peoples dash! im a yapper lmao

1. How old is Rook?

i think hes physically in his late 20s or early 30s! im not super set on a specific age for him just yet, especially since backstory wise hes a resurrected undead so he might be older than that in all actuality

4. Which faction did they join, and why? How long has it been?

hes a mourn watcher! he's been there as long as he can remember (which is only a few years. the whole being dead and coming back to life thing has resulted in him having amnesia, and he doesn't remember his life before). he joined the mourn watchers because he was actually raised by emmrich and the mourn watch and the necropolis was kinda all he knew! and by raised i mean. literally raised from the dead. and he relearned all his speech and mannerisms from him so he stands similarly to him, gestures similarly, and has a similar speech pattern, although sometimes hes a bit more disconnected and distant than emmrich is. hes still relearning emotions a tad.

plus, he does feel that not only do the dead deserve proper respect and souls to be cared for properly, and he also thinks the living should enjoy the time they are given and to not allow any undead to take that from them too soon. life and death can be harmonious and should be where they can be, but protecting the living from meeting death too soon is of utmost importance. he knows what death can take from people, hes experienced it first hand in that he doesnt even know who he was before the mourn watch and the necropolis, so its important to uphold that peace and balance best as possible.

8. What makes Rook a good leader?

its kinda interesting cause like..... nekros really Doesnt feel like the leader type to me. like he feels as much as i feel you were chucked into this position way too quickly with no explanation and just kinda had to fuckin do it because no one would look anywhere else. but i think him being a bit disconnected from his emotions is actually a boon in that case? cause otherwise, hed be anxious and not taken the role. he was anxious about it, it wasnt something he ever expected to do nor wanted to do, but sometimes youre the only one who acts because you have absolutely 0 self preservation and no sense of true risk but also the mind to keep things logical rather than following his heart too closely. emmrich wishes he would allow himself to connect a bit more to those things because he really shines when he does, but nekros just isnt used to it yet, it frightens him a little. he keeps an even head, knows how to be perfectly polite when it comes to people of some authority, and that is all he needs for now other than other people always looking at him and forcing him to keep taking this position than anything else. truly truly truly my mans is like the guy who was put on a group project and was not named team leader and was so happy about it and was content to listen and follow like he always has but then no one was doing anything and he didnt want to get a bad grade and Had to step up in order for something to be done, thats really how it is

23. What does Rook wear in the off hours? Do they like dressing up?

ooooh i have some screenshots of his current downtime fit actually!

i think it suits him! but generally, his taste is things a bit more rugged and worn through, things that feel like they have history. though, of course, he does take after emmrich a lil bit in that he prefers to look put together sometimes as well. things that are sleek and well fitting, but i just havent found a fit in game thats both the proper colors i want him to wear AND has that look yet aside from this! its a lil more oversized on the arms, but it has a certain put together-ness i know he would enjoy. and the feathers! a lil nod to deaths harbingers, the ravens.

colorwise, he likes blacks, browns, and jewel tones! preferably purples or greens, tho not whatever fuckin tone of purple and green the mourn watchers got going on in their downtime fits theres smth wrong with those to me idk why

24. Does Rook have any nightly rituals before bed?

god this is one i havent really thought about..... he truly just feels the type to just flop over? into bed? like hes like my day is done time to rest and he just gets in bed, lies like a corpse, and conks tf out. though over time, if hes having an ok day, i do think hes a bit more methodical about things. little more careful with how he treats himself, making sure hes got clothes and everything ready for the morning based on his plans, lets himself read a few pages in a book he picked out, just little things. but nothing he must do every single night or it feels off. he might treat himself a bit more and have those sorts of nice self care things once hes reunited with emmrich (which just happened in my game, im a bit behind in playing it) and once hes with lucanis

[struwberrii]

Hello!!! I saw your post and I would like a matchup (romantic) My pronouns are she/her and he/him, so you can use any of them and I won't bother! And I prefer to be paired with a male character.

Characters I don't want to be paired: terushima, and nobody from kamomedai (I haven't read the manga yet💔). And I'm a minor, so I don't think I'd like to be paired with someone on the timeskip😓

Traits I look in a partner:

Someone who is not so energetic or is too extroverted. Looking at it like that, I prefer someone calmer, but who is also kind to me. I would like someone who is not so different from me, who has at least some common interest with me. I like people who are affectionate and care about me, and who are mature and have good communication with me. And smart people really attract me.

My personality:

I'm someone who is very introverted and shy with people I don't know, but when I'm really close to them I can be quite talkative. I can be a little harsh with those I don't like, and I can respond in a very acidic way depending on the conversation. I can be a very mature person depending on the situation, I can even say that I take very good care of the people around me. But apart from all that, I can be very affectionate with those I love, sometimes even getting too clingy.

Hobbies:

I really like drawing, listening to music, playing video games, watching anime or movies.

I don't know if I would count it as a hobby, but I'm currently very involved with the Visual Kei movement, this has greatly influenced my musical style today!!

My love language are definitely words of affirmation and quality time (giving), and physical touch, quality time (receiving)

For my dream date I would prefer something quiet, like going to a museum, or just chatting in a coffee shop, I really like environments that aren't so noisy.

And for fashion, I'm a metalhead!!! I always like to wear band t-shirts and always accompanied by boots!!! But I'm also very passionate about Gothic Lolita, but for now I don't have any of that in my wardrobe.

My mbti are INTP!!

Tysm!!🌷

match up: suna rintaro 🦊♡‧₊˚

hope you like the matchup anon!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚♡

suna is definitely not an energetic person, he is also very quiet, not really speaking unless he has to. he is also very observant, as seen in his volleyball matches. he may not be the smartest in school (i actually think hes in the lowest 2nd year class idk) but he def makes up for that in other categories, being very attentive and observant. he is also very sarcastic and blunt but never says anything uncalled for.

also that boy is always on his phone he BETTER be communicating with you.

i see suna as the type of guy to just want to spend time with you. he isnt very talkative but i see him as the type of guy to just want to facetime with you just so he can see/hear you.

i also see him as the type of guy to be a very big gentleman. holding doors for you, pulling your chair out for you, walking you home, all that. he may be a man of few words but he def knows how to treat a person right

i also think suna would really like your fashion, i dont see him as the type of guy to be super into metal but he def appreciates the genre and style itself

he is DEF a coffee shop date guy too. since he isnt very talkative i see you and him having that similarity with not liking noisy environments. i can also see chats with him getting very deep and personal. he is probably very good at reading you and understands what to say and what not to say.

i also think hed be pretty funny in a sarcastic way. he probably has smart comments to make about a rude waiter or a guy who was less than polite to you two.

[insidejizz]

reagan ridley headcanons!

heyyyy its me again im here to write about the girl of all time reagan - this is SO self indulgent and also a lot longer than i thought it would end up being so im putting it under the cut for ease of everything ! no nsfw here though a small amount of body talk !

once again a reminder that REQUESTS ARE OPEN FOR BOTH ART AND WRITING !

// i think that reagan had a really hard time coming to terms with the idea that she is/could be autistic and still. struggles to accept it at times

she definitely took the raads-r test at one point and got a crazy high number like 189 

(for those that dont know the raads-r goes from like 0-224, and anything over 60 constitutes reasonable autism)

and after she got such a high score on that she had a classic #reaganmoment and stayed up all night taking as many other tests as she could find to "collect more data"

i mean its. hard enough to realize youre autistic much less 1) so late in life and 2) when everyone is constantly making it a joke . like i really do think shed be adverse to the idea for so long because it was always used as a "haha reagans weird" punchline and so

(she doesn't want to prove to rand and tamiko that they were right about something being off about her)

obviously everyone around her is. very aware of her autism and has been finding ways to deal with it for years but she doesn't know what to do about it at all after her night of testing

because yeah the test results SAY that its very very likely shes autistic but maybe she answered the questions wrong or something 

ab has to listen to her pace back and forth for hours about this and he is no help mostly because hes realizing he has autism everytime she states a symptom

obviously her special interest is science and robotics, that's pretty goddamn obvious . you could even argue her job is a special interest with how much time she spends nonstop thinking about it

the amount shed have to unmask is INSANNEEEEEE im just saying . shed have to unlearn 30 years of petty comments making her cover up all her autistic traits

i dont think shes someone who would openly stim, or at least in 'classic' ways

her stimming usually is like ;

pacing

chewing on pens + pencils

tapping pens + pencils

pressing keys on her keyboard over and over

wiggling her fingers 

// also reagans basically schroedingers jew

i say this because shes not "technically" jewish as in her family is not jewish but i believe that jr made her very active in his jewishness and so she was essentially raised jewish by her godfather

like. jr would have definitely thrown her an INSNAE bat mitzvah and you can't change my mind. he wouldve insisted on it

especially because i feel like reagan wouldnt like her birthday, both bc of the memories weve Seen of them and what we know about her family i just think she/ prefers to not think about them

but she was turning 13 and jr was like no you are going to be the biggest princess for a whole day everythings going to be about you

because he definitely went ALL OUT

i dont know what passage she would choose to read bc im not super well versed in torah but

the party ???? mans spared no expense but it was also very . reagan

like idk i feel like hed pull off some crazy robot-themed bat mitzvah or whatever she wanted at age 13

like she would have just graduated MIT at that point!!!!!! i think she deserves a baller party

anyway i dont think that a lot of people. came to the party (that werent cognito employees) but that didnt really matter

because jr spent the entire night there with reagan just giving her the best night he could (JR DAD MOMENTS JR DAD MOMENTS) 

like i bet they did a goofy ass 'father'-daughter dance and he was like woah youre getting so tall now youre almost as big as me and shes like well im officially a woman now! and he just starts crying GHEOIGJSEOIES

also more casual jewishness than just that like . 

she thinks fondly on being able to ask the questions at the passover seder (though as a kid she thought they were stupid bc why ask the same questions every year we already know the answer)

and there was one point where they were observing shabbat but they werent at home so they had to like . go and buy a loaf of bread and they used jrs handkerchief as the challah cover and stuff and she used some stuff to make little robot candles because they didnt have real ones and it wasnt a kosher shabbat but it was certainly one that was from the heart and HGHhgehesughshges

having jr pick her up so she could kiss the mezuzah when they went inside his place

hgheshgiehjsg listen i could go for hours.

so like yes she is jewish. she celebrates hanukkah every year and has a collection of menorahs that jr has gotten her (and shes gotten herself) over the years

but she also wouldnt say shes jewish bc shed feel weird about it 

i think shes definitely considered converting but never gotten around to it simply on terms of No Fucking Time

at least a year of study ? taking time off for the holidays ? hahahahahahaha whos schedule would that even fit into lol

so like if someone were to ask if she was jewish she would say " i was raised jewish by my godfather" and if anyone decides to question more then it gets Complicated lmao

// CHUBBY REAGAN CHUBBY REAGAN CHUBBY REA

listen. i refuse to believe she would be self conscious about being 140 pounds theres no reason for her to think thats fat and so i think that brett was guessing (bc he can lift massively and so weight means nothing to him) and she panicked and was like "MY STATIONARY BIKE IS BROKEN." bc chubby

also she has a desk job, basically exclusively eats junk food and drinks, lounges around every chance she gets

i truly believe that reagan is pudgy. i think that she hides it under that lab coat and she should STOP hiding it <3<3<3

reagan with stretch marks? reagan with stretch marks

also she deserves bigger tits and she has them bc shes chubby<3

she would also have a bit of a tummy and bigger thighs but i dont think shes particularly well endowed in the ass department

like its not bad! but she doesnt have a Great ass

like a lot of things about herself she isnt exactly happy with it but shes so squishy and perfect to grab and shit so<3

// another tangent but reagan is. very picky about the type of music allowed around the office 

like she has approved playlists for all of the group whenever they r allowed the aux 

myc is usually not allowed the aux bc he has INSANE music taste. ykno the sounds mushrooms make when you hook them up to electricity or whatever? its essentially 4 hours of that with cupcakkke mixed in

most of the time its background noise for her, so she doesnt like music being too loud

shes essentially like a dad with the ac the way she is abt the music volume lol like WHO TURNED IT UP WE KEEP THE VOLUME AT 72. 

she doesnt listen to music in her lab really, and when she does its either the most depressing shit youve ever heard or like. music she remembers from her childhood like nsync and britney spears and shit

this means shes also not allowed the aux . too much midwest emo bums everyone else out

when it comes to CHRISTMAS MUSIC? she is like 10x as bad

she has a playlist of "reagan approved christmas music" that she made herself that is exclusively the least annoying christmas songs

except she also can only stand that playlist for like 20 minutes

overall she just fuckin hates christmas music. its all love and sunshine and family and friendship and shes essentially scrooge 

its pretty hard to find a christmas song that she can stand but there are a few! white winter hymnal and carol of the bells are her favorites if she had to choose a christmas song.

honestly i would apologize for how self indulgent this is but I dont want to because I'm proud of it <3 love her so much and PLEASE drop requests if you have any !!!!!!!!!!

[lunar-lair]

busts down the door fuck it. off the cuff gender/sexualities headcanons for the rise boys/whoever else i decide. i havent fully considered these/written these out so it might be a hot mess have fun (its also 1 am this is your warning)

see leos a little Special. surprise trans leo is my fav thing ever so what I like to do is ambs (assigned male by splinter, he didnt know the cloacas were in different areas or to start squinting when leos shell got more concave. no i did not know those facts before surprise trans madness/my egg doc i made a whole cloth new however the fuck you say it reproductive system for this fucking turtle so he and his bunny boyfriend could have kids and i could torture him with sliders being oviparous. thank you less-depresso-more-expresso for your leo egg post in december it changed me fundamentally) -> oh . those are eggs. ok *whistling sound as he continues w his life* -> wait gender is a construct. maybe this is a gift -> genderfluidity slaps the kid in the face when theyre abt 17. also hes gay cause it feels right. so does some form of demisexual or romantic but i have a lot of opinions on how his dating life would go and how it would impact his character (rhinocio gets it if u know them. were besties u see) so i think that woudnt hit until more like 18 or smth like that maybe idk

in much more basic terms. genderfluid gay leo ftw we love a trans leo in this house. this goes whether or not you believe in Egg this kid is not cis mark my goddamn words

raph has always screamed she/he to me as she has to most people. im feeling bi. double bi also feels both very right and very funny his siblings would have a ball w that

if mikey doesnt use neopronouns whats the point. gender is a game and mikey is winning. sexuality is also a game and mikey is Still winning. goes w pan but literally would nebulously date anyone as long as they seemed cool and he liked them well enough. they and leo are shaking hands except leo is hoarding like she, he, they, and maybe a couple other neopronouns meanwhile mikey is like im everything all at once fight me abt it. so nonbinary in the everything kind of way. maybe. i have no idea what the name for this is but i know exactly the kind of vibe im talking abt

and ofc donnie is in the absolute opposite direction. he/they, more nonbinary than anything else. rise apritello star lastknownstatus-alive has allured me with aroflux donnie and considering i know like two things abt the aro and ace label existence im absolutely listening. definitely think hes on that spectrum though, it just fits. think hed look at the sexuality thing and go ...none of these are right. and then forgo it entirely. their sexuality is whoever is hot and whoever they fall in love with die abt it

this is where i say that trans man draxum means everything to me and also that man simply isnt straight nor is he allistic (i mean allo as in like hes definitely on the ace/aro spectrum and i didnt realize until rereading a while later but he is also not allistic tbf)

also splinter is bi i rest my case. pretty normal gender on that rat though, even with the gnc everything

april is so . that gender is so everything. hoarding genders like mikey but less so and also less aggressively. less everything all at once and more somethings sometimes and sometimes not other things. shes a solid inbetween of mikey and leo. my brain clocked bi but i honestly dont know why. help i dont know that many names and also i havent been in love in 4 years idk how the sexuality half of this works

also as a disclaimer we as a system (not in our bio bc Fear) identify as genderfluid (not that i know what the flag looks like . look i keep forgetting to look it up ok) but thats because its easier. a lot of us are sort of genderfluid or use multiple pronouns but remembering those gender experiences is HARD . accordingly any discussion of gender and the experience might be totally fucked bc were only so many genders bc there are so many people in this brain. ok im getting off the stepladder w my megaphone where i make separate points now onto casey

my baby my little guy. think the fam wouldve given him the opportunity to explore that stuff as much as he could in the apocalypse. im feeling he/it. thinks gender is a construct. too busy to find a label. would probably like bigender or genderfluid. kind of like mikey, technically works w pan but would date literally whoever whenever wherever as long as there was a preexisting relationship. dont tell him but hes probably demiromantic

and casey sr!!! my girl my lady! i could go either cis or transgirl on her, or even she/they or she/they/he, she does whatever she wants any day of the week. absolutely a lesbian though thats undisputed. also feeling demiro And demiace

this is your last warning that i sussed half of these out based on vibes Right Now. except for leo theyre on my mind 24/7. and mikey mikey felt patently obvious. same for donnie but only gender wise

ok im done now prommy. may or may not fuck around and make a background + oh yeah! thats me!! style fic for these guys if i feel like it. probably wont come out during pride but hey. you dont stop being gay when june ends yk. either way tada ill come back if i decide i was talking bullshit and correct myself later. bc i usually decide i was talking bullshit eventually lmao. probably partially cause im like 18 its a natural side effect of growth occuring at a faster rate due to my younger age. anyways this has been your twice annually actually long and headcanons/fun filled luna post. ill see you in like, october probably, unless i get ballsy, see you then either way lmao

[fluffs-place]

Personal dog related rant below cut

Im so fucking tired of people insinuating were bad dog owners or that our dogs arent happy with us or dont deserve to be with us.

Rins ear is hurt and anyone whos had a dog hurt their ear knows its a fucking bitch to deal with. We haven't taken him to a vet because all theyre gonna do is charge us out the ass for stuff we've already been doing at home. We tried bandaging his ears up and happy hoodie-ing him as well as trying a cone instead. Hes allergic to the self adhesive bandaging which then gave him infections all along his neck. Those healed beautifully and are gone now. But since we cant use self adhesive and he shakes anything else off somehow we have to let him just freely heal. The cone was great while he was bandaged to keep him from scratching it off but once we realized hed have to be free eared, it was doing more harm than good because his ears were slapping it and causing more damage.

So now hes just back to wearing his prongs for walks and otherwise naked. We have to be extremely on his ass though because he tries to roll around and rub off the scabs which then resets the whole process.

So now mom gets home for the hospital and immediately (even after weve asked and then had to tell her firmly to stop talking to us about the dogs cause it was just stressing us out) she was talking about the dogs. I told her rins a wash (hes a great dog but hes so accident prone and just a lil too empty in the head for the work id need him to do) and then she was like oh no im sure you could train him.

We could but he also doesnt really enjoy training he doesnt have the drive so hes not going to enjoy work. Hed much rather be playing so that what were ultimately letting him do. Hes got the temperment. Passed all the puppy tests like holding him on his back, touching his paws, recovering and checking out loud noises. We even thought for a little bit that he was deaf cause he just didnt care about loud noises at all. He was food oriented and still just doesnt care to train. Lovesssss his fishie tho. He will do anything for you to throw the fish. Obviously i cant throw toys to get him to task tho so he a wash. And thats ok.

But anyway shes like oh are you gonna give him up then? Like ok way to word it so were the bad guys but no we arent. Hes staying with us. We still love him regardless of whether hes a wash or not. Then lamb mentions his ears still hurt. Then ofc mom goes oh hes still hurt and oh poor puppy and oh you know theres places that are dalmatian houses you could give him to and oh its not fair to him and oh he needs to just be a dog (as if we arent already doing that). She would not listen to a single thing we said either just kept going on it as if we should get rid of him. As if were the problem.

Its no ones fault no ones the problem. Rins just being a dog. Hes itchy so he shakes thats what dogs do. We cant miraculously heal his ear and we are doing everything in everyones power to fix it. Its not like giving him to someone else is going to change anything. A vet is not going to do anything we havent already. We know that because weve talked to vets. Lamb worked at a place connect to a vet and they literally told him that.

(And i know superglue and whatnot but its not a cut its on the underside of his ear now. It was his ear tip before but thats now healed and scarred over. Then when the reaction to self adhesive happened he got them on the underside of his other ear so now its the problem of getting those to heal despite his persistence to shake and itch. So he is healing its just taking a lot longer because new problems are arising. Which no one couldve expected or planned for because no one knew he was allergic. So literally it is no ones fault. Its just a lengthy process that accidentally got added to.)

So yeah i walked out pretty angrily because one dont insinuate were bad owners. Two stop bringing up the dogs like weve told you. And three dont give us advice we didnt ask for. One of the main reasons we told you to stop talking to us about it. We know what were doing and have done our research on it. Idk im just angry. I love my mother but it fucking pisses me off. Used to happen with my cat too before i moved. Now that we liv3 in their basement the cycles started all over again. I can not wait to move out of this apartment. This was a real weird rambly rant. Sorry lol

[fraener]

9/7/24

if i had the time to write, i would have. this past month was one of the hardest ive gone through. i didnt have a day off since before my last entry in here. im listening to stefans piano music in bed now, had dinner, painted for the first time in a really, really long time. it didnt give me the same level of enjoyment as it used to but i think id like to start doing that again every day. i had to leave work early today because my period finally came with a terrible vengance, 20 days late. the stress of the move nearly killed me i think. i lost even more weight im pretty sure, ive never been this thin. im going to try and get my thyroid tested again because im getting very worried about it. h told me he felt like i criticized him too much and was so ungrateful for all his help moving. i am not allowed to have any feelings about what happened in front of him because he feels this way. i told him he was right so hed stop yelling at me. its just yet another thing i cannot rely on him for or trust him for, i dont feel like i ever want to ask his help for anything ever again, at least not that big of a thing. it just doesnt seem like a good idea anymore and im almost glad i never let go of my suspicions around it. im too depressed to really be disappointed or saddened by it. this is just what relationships turn into for me, a strange dance of self suppression when faced with the continuous obstacle of being something foreign and unordinary in the face of what the other person wants and expects. i feel like im speaking a different language to most people. i feel so extant and as i get older it becomes less and less surprising that i feel that way. i wonder what would have happened had i been ordinary or had a shot at seeing the world in an ordinary way. i dont really think i have it in me to keep trying to find someone who will see me and understand me and love me for what and who i am. maybe thats a good thing. i dont really know. i want to lean into my uncommonness again. i am unloveable in my uncommonness, i think, but strong in it. tomorrow i think id like if i am able to go and paint on the hill above the bay and watch the little sailboats go by. for the first time in a long time im feeling reasons to return to myself rather than turn away. what am i here for? what do i like to do? i want to paint, i want to watch other people enjoy learning something new, i want to be included in or witness to someones passions, i want to find my friendship in the nonhuman again. i miss rosie so much. i miss all the animals i cant talk to anymore like ed and zoey. at least rosies still alive. and gigi is too, and tally. so many friends of mine are so far away now. learning over and over that i am so terribly lonely here! i think maybe im beyond sad about h. this hasnt been a very good relationship but i havent been well or strong or brave enough to end it even when its really bad or even when its not so aggressively bad but just so bald faced in its discrepancies that it doesnt make any sense to keep going. for some reason i keep going. for love or habit i do not know. i dont feel loveless like i did with m but i dont feel like the love is enough most days. im tired of writing in my journal about him. i want him to matter less in some ways, maybe just matter less in the darker matters of the heart. i saw o's play and we spent some time together. theyre so magical and i can see so pure as day why we didnt work out. exactly what i admire about them is the thing i cannot stand! funny how it works sometimes. im glad to see them a little again, a year from when we did last. always the end of summer with that one. i miss my apartment, my new house is quiet but lonely without my ghosts. the fellow above the doorframe threw the picture one last time at h while he was scolding me which was really funny but a bit naughty. not that h would know or understand necessarily. yes, tired and lonely. one day soon maybe ill feel a bit better, or at the very least, different.

[endoyamato]

discord yap:

to me the really sad thing is that takiishi and endo mostly are having a miscommunication cuz they both look at different things (we dont have takiishis pov yet btu lets say so), because, endo assumes takiishi never listens or pays attention to him (bc he doesnt respond) but thats not true and we KNOW THAT because of ENDO saying that when he was yapping once,m takiishi reacted to ume's name i think the issue lies in their very different ways of communication and perception; for all we know takiishi isnt even aware hes like thism , to him this is normal. we also know he does pay attention because if endo touches him (or is about to) without permission, he gets hit im not excusing takiishi btw he shouldnt hit but theyre both very… self-absorbed, but just show it very differently, which is where the discrepancy lies - they keep missing each other. endo bc he views takiishi as an untouchable, guiltless entity who cant be touched, spoken to, reasoned with (he never defends himself from takiishi's attacks which he does with sakura - as far as we know, endo and takiishi dont fight. endo just lets takiishi hit him) , and takiishi because… we dont know why yet. i think they CAN be friends but they need to actually understand each other. you can see their very different communication very simply in also how they just TALK. endo ALWAYS centers himself - he uses ore, ore, ore every sentence. for what we've seen of takiishi, he uses no personal pronouns. of course, this isnt an indication he never uses them, but i think it's telling. (ive said this before but i always like to repeat it cuz its such a good detail)

endo is incredibly lonely, and his view of the world is very bleak. but suddenly sakura gives him hope! hope of what? he doesnt know. the feeling of companionship, but endo cant tell that because hes never been ABLE To make a connection like this with anyone. either he was used by older women for dates, he was prob scaring everyone around him, making ppl respect him, or whatever the fuck takiishi's got for him. like [servermate] said, he needs friends, but since he didnt grow up understanding this type of relationship, he has nothing to compare his own emotions to. the reason we KNOW he is lonely (and always was) is because of how he himself portrays his own "backstory" - as an outsider, an outlier. he thought he was okay with that until he tasted smth different and he straight up says hed rather die than go back to how he was. he doesnt want not to feel anything. he doesnt want not to exist to people as a friend (he's only ever been admired as a kid, remember), he doesnt want… what he had, the emptiness. he's just lonely and has empathy and remorse issues so he can't understand it in himself

[summerlycoris]

Actually, now im thinking about it, Tony and Mami have similar but distinct character flaws that ultimately lead to their doom in similar ways. It all comes down to trust, and lack of it.

Like for Tony? What sets him up to fail is being so willing to unravel the mystery of GGY, even when people warn him repeatedly- his parents, crystal- that he needs to be careful with either investigative journalism, and especially with sticking his nose into GGYs business. But he cant help himself- even after Crystals warning, he hands in that story based on GGY, and even goes to investigate further.

His big character flaw? Working by himself, and not working with his friends. Imagine, what would the three amigos had created together if Tony hadnt rushed off to make a story without them, if hed actually used his social skills to talk to his friends instead of a multitude of strangers, and convonce them to help him? It wouldnt have been the GGY story, thats for sure. It wouldve probably been more fictional, if Ellis and Greg had worked on it to begin with. And Greg probably wouldve suggested a better idea than researching some high scores on the arcades.

Just. Including his friends and trusting them to work with him wouldve saved his life by preventing him from ever getting on GGYs bad side.

And the thing that seals his fate? Is trusting Greg, and not putting 2+2 together to get "Omg, my new friend killed the therapists. And may kill me if I dont keep my mouth shut." If he does go to the pizzaplex with Greg afterwards... rip. Its over, rover.

For Mami? What sets her up to fail is making her wish and becoming a magical girl. Shes unlike any of the other magical girls in pmmm- she makes a wish selfishly, purely for her own benefit- begging Kyubey to save her life. Even if, she could have used that wish to save her whole family from the car accident. I cant blame her- she wouldve been scared to death, and just begging for anything that could help her at that point. And we know from later, that making wishes on behalf of others (like Homura, Sayaka, and Kyouko did) can also lead to tragedy.

But making that wish, regardless of how understandable it was, doomed her to be a magical girl. A fate theres only two ways out of. You die a magical girl, or you die a witch.

Her character flaw, of sorts, is similar to, but distinct, from Tonys. She works primarily by herself, like him. But she has wanted to work with other magical girls before, its just never really worked out. Shes made efforts in the past to work with others, and does a good job when with them. In timelines where madoka becomes a magical girl, they work together, alongside Sayaka, Homura and Kyouko sometimes. For the most part, she pulls off working by herself as well as she does working in a team. Shes self sufficiant, she can win her fights pretty easily using years of experience. Shes given chances to get out of her fate- Homura warns her against taking Madoka and Sakaya with her to battle Charlotte, warns her not to go. But she doesnt listen to Homura, instead ties her up out if the way. She doesnt trust Homura enough to let her help, because Homura keeps trying to kill Kyubey.

Working by herself in this timeline, having no family or friends to confide in, leaves her lonely. It leaves her susceptable to...

What ultimately kills her. Its trusting Madoka and Sayaka in the current timeline. Neither girls are magical girls at that point, but Mami learns to trust them in battle, despite that they cant actually help her in battle. She stops behaving in her self sufficiant manner, and thats what lets Charlotte get the drop on her. Mami got so used to working on her own, relying on herself, that the minute she thought she could get a reprieve from her loneliness, she dooms herself.

Theyre both just. You can track the trajectory of their tragedy, from the little mistakes they make. To the flaws that ultimately doom them. And in both cases, its trusting someone who cant be trusted. Madoka cant save Mami from Charlotte- she cant even save herself- shes not a magical girl! She and Sayaka just cling to one another as Kyubey begs then to pact with him and make a wish. Without Homura being set free after Mamis death- from the trap Mami put her in in the first place- both the girls wouldve also veeb eaten.

Tony, like Mami, made a very human mistake- trusting his new friend even if theres red flags that his 'new friend' isnt who he says he is.

I am definitely not making much sense. Its been forever since I watched PMMM and Ive DEFINITLY got stuff wrong because im tired and dumb rn but like. I needed to write this down before my brain imploded so uhhhh. Bye!